081112

For three days I've been working on that one practical take-home exam.
For three days I've spent figuring out what works which way.
For three days I've kept all the pressure and made sure it's done.
For three days I've pushed myself to do my best.
For three days I've made my mind went blank to fill in those blanks.
For three days I've made myself so pressured.
For today it is all done, and then I went off to made it gone.

I went home, after doing nothing,
Yet my bones aches for something I don't even understand.
It appears that I'm tired.
Then I tried to keep myself awake, since it's too soon to go on a break.
I drank coffee then glare, to see if I can keep myself stable and aware,
for I think I haven't done a thing that uses such a plenty amount of energy.
Yet I still fell asleep like I've never slept for the past three days, after a sip of my coffee.
I kept trying to stand, kept my feet land, yet I still stumbled, and crumbled, powerless, spiritless.
Something seems wrong.
I might've awoke for too long, that my body couldn't keep me steady for the day.
My mind goes hazy, then my body went lazy, so I felt crazy for acting like a zombie.
I'm just tired, that's what I tried to think.
But something just felt off.

My memories gone off in seconds, but that is still me, one trademark of my mind.
I'm a goldfish.
Memories vanish in three seconds sharp, gone like a soft strum of a harp.
It seems nice to just forget stuff in a day in an instant.
Yet I forsake stuff because I forget the whole day in an instant.
All those frustrations, those angers, those stresses, gone in a mere three seconds the moment the chains of memories stopped its link.
All those compassion, those happiness, those smiles, gone in a mere three seconds the moment the trail of feelings stopped its tracks.
When I have something in mind, I keep it dear, as long as I could.
For I couldn't bear it in mind for long, as it would be gone as I close my eyes.
I lost my sensitivity to feelings, as I used my heart to store my memories.
I actually can remember whatever I've heard, whatever I've known, only when it's stored in my heart, not in my head.
Ultimately, I tried to say that one's memory is one's treasure, bittersweet, painful, happy, passionate, vengeful, miraculous, joyous, forsaken.
Keep it dear, and I dare you live on it.
For those who is like me,
Those who tried to make worth out of his least,
Envy all of you who can keep their minds at ease
For you have unforgettable memories every day.
For one who have no memories
Is no different to the one who dies.




Today, I died.